Getting a new phone is like sleeping with a new person. You're not sure which buttons to push. Things pop up and you're like "what the FUCK is that?" It tries to do all sorts of things you don't want it to do, and when you try to figure out how to say you aren't into it, it just shuts down. You do certain things to it, regret it later, and can't figure out how to get things back to normal. It makes weird noises and you don't know if they're good noises or bad noises. You try to go crawling back to your old phone, but things just don't feel the same. The new phone beeps expectantly. You try pounding at it a little longer, ask it to wake you up at 7, and go to sleep, dejected.
